Love Maps

Love maps are a very interesting concept. Love maps are an idea by John Gottman. When you maintain a love map with your spouse, or with those close to you, you know what is happening in their lives, and how things are going.  You know who their co-workers are, and what classes they are taking, etc. I think that my husband and I have fairly good love maps. I think our only issue is that he is horrible at remembering names, and I have trouble paying attention when he talks about what happens at work, because it is very technical. I honestly have trouble imaging what it would be like to not keep up with your spouse on their lives. This may be because my husband and I are both still in school and don’t have any children or full-time jobs, so we spend quite a bit of time together. When we did one of the activities in Gottman’s book, where you each pick 20 numbers, then ask questions corresponding to that number, I was surprised to realize how much we truly know about each other. He actually beat me by three points!

If you go into a marriage, or a relationship not planning on making any sacrifices, you will run into a lot of issues pretty quickly. Relationships are all about sacrifice. You have to give and take, and compromise on a lot of things. My husband and I have both sacrificed a lot in our relationship. I think what was very hard for me, and still is sometimes, is my need to be in control. It is a big weakness of mine that I am working on. I really struggle with feeling like I need to be able to control everything and everyone around me, and when I got married, I had a lot of problems with feeling like I had no control, and therefore no power in our relationship. I have been able to get better since then, but I still struggle with it every now and then.