Children and Boundaries

I think that it is important to have a close, open relationship with your children, but I think that it is important to have boundaries set, and that your children know that they need to look towards you with respect. A lot of parents nowadays follow the permissive style of parenting. Permissive parenting is when you do not have any boundaries and let your children do whatever they want. These parents usually want to be seen as the “Cool parent” and the friend, or try “alternative parenting styles”. The truth is that in most normal families, you will not be able to establish that “friend-like” relationship with your children until they are adults themselves and are more mature. Children who grow up with parents of this style often end up with no sense of self-discipline, do worse in school because of the lack of boundaries, and are not very motivated to do things.

I remember when I was in middle school that I really got into watching TV shows that my parents watched when they were young, like “I love Lucy” and “Bewitched”. There was one episode of Bewitched where Tabitha, Samantha’s daughter, does not get along with a boy at school, and when Samantha meets the mother, she does not believe in using punishment, and lets her child draw on the walls, make any demands, and leave the house as a mess. At the end of the episode, she sees the error of her ways, but this unfortunately does not happen with most parents of this style, who always keep the same style.

The opposite of this style is authoritarian parenting, where there are many demands, and very little warmth. Children of this style of parenting are really affected negatively, just like with permissive parenting, but in different ways. These children are likely to suffer from low self esteem and low self-worth, as well as other long-term psychological consequences.

The best type of parenting style is authoritative, which has high responsiveness and high demands. This type of parents shows warmth and love towards their children, but still has rules and boundaries that are reasonable. If you practice appropriate rules and boundaries, your child will be much better off and will really appreciate it later in life.